The Constant Star (60)

THE STORY SO FAR

“If I would have known they would do this, I would never…I swear I would never have come. I thought they would just come for me.”

“Really?! Then why did you try to warn us when we rescued you? You told us they would be coming, that you had been found out. You said you were sorry, do you remember?”

“I just…I just…”

“You gods have failed us! You gods have crushed us! You gods have crushed me!” Lucas’ strength finally begins to wane and the blade drops as he collapses to his knees, “Why? Why did you have to be so broken? What have you done to me? To the people I love? My mother, my sister, my brothers. Didn’t you even think? Didn’t you even think? If we were so corrupted by your own actions, why did you not choose to take care of us? Bring us into Janus with you? If we are your responsibility…why did you hate us?…We thought you loved us…”

He falls forward, the wounds and fatigue have taken their toll. Siff looks to her father who begins to stand, “Dad don’t! He doesn’t deserve to die; none of them did!”

“I know, Siff. But as soon as the Council discovers he survived, what do you think they are going to do?”

She pauses only briefly, “We have to take him with us. We have to. We owe it to him. He was right: if we have any love for him we would take him with us!”

“And then what? They would kill him as soon as he crossed the Gate! And we both would be tried and executed for such a crime. It would be a mercy to end him now.”

Jupiter raises his left arm and his weapon engages, “Dad don’t! Dad! No!”

Siff watches his eyes afire with fury: his face grimacing with the wrestling within. Baldr struggles to the surface and calms Jupiter’s justice, “I cannot. He is right. We should have saved them. We should have saved them all. They are our responsibility, and we have not loved them.” His armor opens a section and he pulls out a small med-kit, “This should last until we get him to a med-bed. Here, help me apply this lotion to his burns.”

They carefully pull back his clothes and spray the medicine on Lucas’ raw skin. He is so close to death he barely makes a sound. It is several minutes until they are done and Baldr pulls another vial from his med-kit, “This will help give him energy and rehydrate him. He may wake up, he may need to rest further.” Siff smiles and looks on as her father applies the dose onto a piece of unburnt skin. She watches his caring, hopeful eyes until he looks up, “What?”

“Nothing. It’s just good to see you, Dad.”

He smiles back, “Well, we’re not free and clear yet. Let me get that for you.” Baldr disarms the paralyzer and removes it from her neck. He puts it back in his armor, “The good news is we haven’t been killed yet, the surveillance systems must still be malfunctioning. The bad news is they could come back online any moment. We’ve got to get him on board Janus and safe from the Council.”

“How are we going to do that?”

Baldr puts his helmet back on and lifts the unconscious Lucas into his arms, “I have no idea, but we had better head to the Gate. We won’t have long to act once the Council gain control again.” They begin the hike back through the thickening forest, the eery quiet giving Siff time alone with her thoughts. She is not so sure she wants the opportunity.

48

The hike is beautiful. Crunching of soft earth and rock underfoot, early morning air wafting fresh scents of flowers and trees. A father and daughter walking in silence, wrestling with their thoughts. Siff is the first to speak, “I’ve been selfish, haven’t I? So selfish.”

“Yes.”

“And more than you know, Dad. I’ve abandoned friends, endangered the Chosen Ones, endangered the mission, and ran from a cause I truly believe in.

“I don’t know if I deserve to go back. If the Council get me or if the Rebellion get me, it won’t matter: I’ve betrayed them all.”

“It’s true, you have done all those things. And there have been repercussions. And there will be more repercussions for the decisions you have made that I cannot protect you from. But to move forward as a better person, you need to think about why you chose those things. What was it that caused you to act that way?”

“I guess, my whole life I’ve just felt so alone. Like there is no hope for my dreams. I’m still afraid that no matter what I do, I will never be accepted or wanted. And then when I discovered how we were treating the Lower Levels…I just couldn’t take that as well. Being responsible for that much pain. Knowing that I am the cause of their suffering. I had to do what I could to help them. But then fighting broke out and I was so afraid: I didn’t want to be part of a war. I just wanted to be free. Free to be me, to have hope for my own life. To be given the opportunities that are given to the Chosen Ones. I couldn’t see any way I would ever be allowed to be me. Not on Janus. I was afraid of being hopeless. Of never being accepted for who I am.”

“And what now? Now that you have seen how powerful your decisions are, and how your actions affect the lives of others? Who do you want to be now?”

“I want go back to Janus. I can’t run away anymore. I should have never run in the first place. I can’t have everything I want if it means endangering other people. If I want to change my world, I can’t run from it: it’s about

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